By Lynn Venhaus

“Eenie Meanie” is the latest Quentin Tarantino-Guy Ritchie wannabe that is derivative of “Baby Driver,” “Drive,” “Fast and Furious” franchise and other pedal to the metal adrenaline rush movies heavy on blood-splattered action and light on logic and depth.

First-time director Shawn Simmons has assembled a recognizable cast headed by charismatic Samara Weaving, but the rest of the characters woefully lack any thoughtful development and are not interesting enough to spend an entire film with – and the main conflict is repellent.

 It’s as if this cast is plopped straight into a B-movie heist plot without any indication if they are either the good or the bad guys, mostly idiots and all caricatures. And each actor seems to be in a different movie.

Weaving is Edie, nicknamed Eenie Meanie, first shown as a glum, nervous teen with awful parents, who later endured a harsh life of foster homes and has a criminal past as a getaway driver.

She’s a very good driver, nevertheless. After the opening scene, depicting how irresponsibly foolish her parents are (Steve Zahn, Chelsey Crisp), the film fasts forward to 14 years later.

Now a single bank clerk going to community college, her roommate is a longtime supportive friend Baby Girl (Kyanna Simone). Edie, spinning her wheels, has a loser boyfriend, among other tough-life dramas. Therefore, given choices, she usually goes with the wrong one.

John, the dippy bad luck-magnet boyfriend, is played by Karl Glusman. They are on-again, off-again, and she’d be much better off without him, because all indications are he’s a Bad Idea.

Gusman, part of ensemble casts in “The Bikeriders,” “Civil War,” and “Greyhound,” among others, tries to make John have some redeeming qualities, but the part is a screw-up, so…

He has screwed up a casino heist scheme by her old boss Nico (Andy Garcia wasted in tough-guy mode). Reluctantly, it’s Edie to the rescue – because she is always cleaning up everyone’s messes.

She finds out she is pregnant, compounding the situation, so she helps the doofus avoid getting beaten to a pulp.  They take off on the run, squealing tires in zippy car chases where they mostly escape danger that keeps popping up.

The couple, who have some interesting exchanges, click on screen as they are pursued by an assortment of cliched quirky characters that are standard in these types of films.

Because of that, the screenplay is less thrilling because it’s a cluttered, clustered mishmash. Is she destined not to get anything she wants in life? That’s very sad.

Her new path is on hold while she deals with these peculiar, mostly unsavory, people. They are all in a never-ending toxic cycle – and why should we care? You feel for Edie because life has given her a big bag of lemons, and she can’t seem to make lemonade, no matter how hard she tries.

Randall Park is misused in a brief, persnickety role, while ex-pro running back Marshawn Lynch appears in a flashier but tiny part as another driver for Nico.  

Hopefully, Weaving will have a better choice of roles in her future. Without a fresh spin, “Eenie Meanie” can’t rise above its hackneyed plot and trite characters, unable to cross the finish line.

“Eenie Meanie” is a 2025 action-crime thriller directed by Shawn Simmons and starring Samara Weaving, Karl Glusman, Andy Garcia, Marshawn Lynch, Jermaine Fowler, Kyanna Simone, Steve Zahn, Chelsey Crisp, and Randall Park. It is rated R for violence/bloody images, pervasive language, nudity, some sexual material and brief drug use, and run time is 1 hour, 46 minutes. It started streaming on Hulu Aug. 22. Lynn’s Grade: C-.