Valentine Rom-Com-Slasher ‘Heart Eyes’ is Fun But Has Commitment Issues

Valentine Rom-Com-Slasher ‘Heart Eyes’ is Fun But Has Commitment Issues

By Alex McPherson

Neither scary nor swoonworthy, director Josh Ruben’s “Heart Eyes” is a horror-rom-com hybrid that is amusing but never truly carves out its own spot among its influences.

We follow Ally (Olivia Holt), an advertising exec at a Seattle jewelry company who has given up on romantic love. In fact, her “ingenious” new ad campaign proposal revolves around doomed cinematic romances. This idea doesn’t go over well with her boss (Michaela Watkins, with a cartoonish southern drawl) and on social media, given that there’s a killer on the loose — a masked murderer with heart-shaped eyes, who has employed copious tools for impaling, slicing, and dicing unsuspecting couples on Valentine’s Day for the past two years.

The Heart Eyes Killer has arrived in Seattle, and, as evidenced by a suitably gnarly cold open involving a staged proposal, literal “camera cut,” and novel use of an industrial grape press, they’re as bloodthirsty as ever.

But, for the time being, Ally isn’t all that concerned, given that she’s written off true love as a myth. In typical rom-com fashion, she bumps into the extroverted and charismatic Jay (Mason Gooding) at a coffee shop, and sparks fly. Their first interaction is awkward, cute, and, given the film’s propensity for slapstick violence, quite bloody, ending with Ally and her best friend (Gigi Zumbado) awkwardly rushing out of the building.

It turns out, however, that Jay was just hired at Ally’s company to help clean up her PR mess with the ad campaign, and he’s eager to take her out for dinner to discuss a new marketing plan — after his yoga session in a nearby spa.

Ally agrees to meet Jay at a swanky restaurant (complete with a cheesy dress-shopping montage beforehand), but she remains emotionally guarded, unwilling to welcome this (overeager) Mr. Right into her life. Their meet-up is decidedly awkward and uncomfortable, exacerbated by a run-in with Ally’s ex and his girlfriend. Ally kisses Jay to make her ex jealous, which catches the attention of the Heart Eyes Killer lurking nearby. 

Thus, Ally and Jay are on the run from the sadistic slayer, eventually encountering a pair of detectives, Zeke Hobbs (Devon Sawa) and Jeanine Shaw (Jordana Brewster) — yes, it’s a joke about the “Fast & Furious” spinoff film “Hobbs and Shaw” — who are determined to catch the killer once and for all. Plus, love is in the air, or whatever.

“Heart Eyes” has a solid premise — parodying two conflicting genres for a Valentine’s Day film with as much cheesy romance as ultraviolent mayhem. But to what end, exactly? Ruben’s film is enjoyable, but lacks the cleverness and wit to truly stand out. It tries to have the best of both worlds while remaining firmly in bland territory, no matter how cheekily self-aware it thinks it is.

That’s not to say “Heart Eyes” is a bad film, just an insubstantial one. It is too obvious in its humor and structure to leave much of an impression beyond mild enjoyment. Holt and Gooding make a solid pairing, with nice chemistry that makes their gradual attraction believable, if not easy to become invested in.

Neither actor is given much to work with from a “dramatic” perspective, and the screenplay by Christopher Landon, Michael Kennedy, and Phillip Murphy relies on broad, reference-heavy humor that’s both trying too hard and not hard enough to earn its laughs and scares.

“Heart Eyes” ultimately embraces the clichés of both rom-coms and slashers without meaningfully subverting them. The Heart Eyes Killer itself, for example, is seemingly a combination of Jason Vorhees, Batman, and V from “V For Vendetta,” stalking around in the shadows with a full toolbelt of weapons underneath their jacket. Except this time, their mask has two glowing red hearts where eyes should be.

Indeed, “Heart Eyes” is content to coast on tropes without presenting much of anything surprising within the genres it parodies and, clearly, has affection for., Instead, it insists that its competent mediocrity on both the horror and romance fronts is enough to excuse an ultimate lack of ideas.

Jump scares are aplenty, laws of space and time are thrown out the window, and the ultimate “reveal” is eye rolling, to say the least. But Holt and Gooding are charming, the kills are gnarly, and the film’s seemingly perpetual scenes of cat-and-mouse pursuits are engagingly helmed and keep the film moving at a fast clip.

Through all the bloodshed, Ruben’s film maintains an innocence and belief in the power of love that’s endearing, and, for Valentine’s Day fare at the movies, what more could you ask for? “Heart Eyes” doesn’t aim for “classic” status; it’s a fun, harmless little trifle that won’t break anyone’s heart.

“Heart Eyes” is a 2025 horror-romance directed by Josh Ruben and starring Olivia Holt, Michael Watkins, Mason Gooding, Gigi Zumbado, Jordana Brewster, and Devon Sawa. It is rated R for strong violence and gore, language and some sexual content., and the run time is 1 hour, 37 minutes. It opened in St. Louis Feb. 7. Alex’s Grade: B-.

Explosive Action and Mega-Momoa Mark the Logic-Free ‘Fast X’

Explosive Action and Mega-Momoa Mark the Logic-Free ‘Fast X’

By Lynn Venhaus
The turbo-charged “Fast X,” aka “Fast Ten,” the latest entry of the 22-year-old “Fast and Furious” saga, continues to defy logic and physics in a dizzying grandiose globe-trotting revenge tale.

A gimmicky gearhead grind, no. 10 features a sprawling star-studded cast racing from one continent to the next between massive explosions, shoot-outs, fisticuffs, and an enormous cavalcade of car crashes all staged to show off high-tech weaponry, fast-paced fight choreography and sensational stunts.

As usual, the muscular hero Dom Toretto has a price to pay for antagonizing his foes, but his list of friends and enemies certainly has grown over the years. We pick up with doting dad Dom teaching his 8-year-old son Brian (Leo Abelo Perry) his own set of rules on the road while his wife Lettie (Michelle Rodriguez) is helping Grandma (Rita Moreno) cook the family dinner, a time-honored ritual.

The gang’s all there – the bickering yet bonded core group of Dom’s team: Roman Pearce (Tyrese Gibson), mechanic Tej Parker (Chris “Ludacris” Bridges), hacker Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel), and Han Lue (Sung Kang).

In recent films, their certain set of skills have been in demand by an international government operation called “The Agency.” But even those seemingly fortresses of good can be infiltrated by evildoers, especially this chapter’s megalomaniac villain Dante (Jason Momoa).

He’s the vengeful son of drug kingpin Hernan Reyes, who was killed in “Fast Five,” and now comes calling with heavy artillery, having spent the last 12 years planning his retaliation.

Jason Momoa is Dante in FAST X, directed by Louis Leterrier

The hulking beefcake Momoa, best known as the DC superhero Aquaman, has a blast going over-the-top as a flamboyant, preening sociopath seeking vengeance. Part Cesar Romero’s Joker, part Jim Carrey’s Riddler, and all peacock-strutting and rooster-crowing swagger, Momoa ups the ante as a sadistic dominating presence. (His character is hastily explained as being institutionalized.)

Dom’s sister Mia (Jordana Brewster), widow of Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker, who died in 2013, and was in five of the films), and brother Jakob (John Cena) also figure into the plot threads. And a noteworthy sentimental touch: Paul’s daughter Meadow Walker has a cameo as a flight attendant helping Jakob.

Oscar winners Charlize Theron, as cyberterrorist Cipher, Helen Mirren as Shaw’s (Jason Statham) mom, and Brie Larson as Tess, daughter of Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell), make brief appearances, and Moreno has one scene.

But even the big-name cast – peppered with stunning cameos (must-see end credits) that the internet has already spoiled – is overshadowed by the mind-numbing number of pileups, combustible engines, bomb detonations, and burning rubber that result in a reckless high body count and ridiculous disregard for the laws of gravity.

That’s not a surprise – it’s always expected in these big, bold and bravura blockbusters. Yet, for those who have been paying attention throughout the soap opera-on-wheels thrill ride sequels, some previous villains are now allies (well, maybe frenemies in a couple cases) and it will be established that former friends betray the good guys. That can get rather head-scratching – but really, thinking is not a requirement here.

Nevertheless, the one constant is that the theme of family remains central to the core. It’s just that the death-defying action becomes a distraction as escaping without harm gets increasingly preposterous.

When this popular franchise began, the personalities carried the minimal plot and maximum action adventures through, but as the scope became bigger, the plots became more convoluted.

I can’t imagine anyone who hasn’t seen the last four or five really knowing – or caring – what has happened and what is going on now, as they’ve swelled from streetfighters to save-the-world in land, sky, and sea scenarios.

Dom in Rome

Case in point: A submarine in the South Pole. Before you ponder this, keep in mind the latest cliffhanger ending is an intriguing tease for “Fast X Part 2,” now scheduled for 2025. Apparently, not the end of the road but “the last chapters” with another or two.

This latest excursion through Brazil, Rome, Portugal, London, Los Angeles, and Antarctica is ultimately fan service. Let’s face it – few view these for interesting intricate stories. Now going into their third decade, people want bullets to spray, cars to fly and more pedals to the metal than in the last chapter.

The stories are such a minimal template that I’ve accused them of being written by chimps, but now, after number 10, I’m convinced they are employing AI.

The latest screenwriters – veteran Justin Lin plus newbie Dan Mazeau — touch on previous scenarios for some sense of a plot thread, but it doesn’t make “Fast X” easy to follow. The characters are based on those created by Gary Scott Thompson in 2001’s “The Fast and the Furious.”

Lin, who directed the third through sixth movies (“The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift” in 2006, “Fast and Furious” in 2009, “Fast Five” in 2011 and “Fast and Furious 6” in 2013, returned for the ninth (“F9, The Fast Saga” in 2021), but abandoned directing this movie, over ‘creative differences,’ and Louis Leterrier, who made the first two “Transporter” movies, took over. Lin, however, stayed on as a producer and has a screenwriting credit.

The entire canon includes “2 Fast 2 Furious” in 2003, “Furious 7” in 2015, “The Fate of the Furious” in 2017, and then “Fast and Furious Presents Hobbs and Shaw” in 2019.

What happens next will determine the franchise’s grand finale. But harkening back to the early glory days would be a nice change of pace, for these increasingly ludicrous sequels have spun the original intentions out of control. After all, it’s supposed to be about family.

Vin Diesel as Dom

“Fast X” is a 2023 action thriller directed by Louis Leterrier and starring Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Jason Momoa, Charlize Theron, Jason Statham, John Cena, Jordana Brewster, Brie Larson, Helen Mirren, Rita Moreno, Tyrese Gibson, Sung Kang, Nathalie Emmanuel, Ludacris, Scott Eastwood, Alan Ritchson. It is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence, action and language, and some suggestive material. and the run time is 2 hours, 21 minutes. It opened in theaters May 19. Lynn’s Grade: C-.